Build (me.)

I hold my sister’s hand as we walk in the frigid December air and think, I died once. (I know how to think these things with a straight face and not breathe a word.) I was young and scared, I think, but I had not been innocent for a long time.  The wind does not howl…

After (you.)

There’s wind. It’s the 28th of December and the phantom pain of losing someone precious before knowing them is fresh (losing you/ an angel/ a child/ a son.) Sněžka, I think. I go out into the rain and the wind. Sněžka, again. There is no other mountain on my mind but Sněžka. The metro (subway/train/underground/tube/métro) is (isn’t) empty….

Travel Log: Borth, Wales.

If there is one thing Wales has rekindled in me is my love for train traveling. Which is the reason why I went to Borth in the first place. Well, that and the fact that Borth has an ‘animalarium.’ I woke up early, it was a Saturday and I went to a Wetherspoons to eat…

If I figure what it’s worth.

Sometimes I think this cycle never ends… Of the totality of my socializing time spent with men younger than me (boys, boys, I call them boys in the privacy of my own mind) I spent 60% of it nodding at some inane comment and wondering if it would be impolite to make my excuses and…

One step closer.

Hello. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? But I guess that’s what happens when you move to another continent, study 3 degrees simultaneously and do a whole lot of other things at the same time. I do not recommend this lifestyle if  you can’t handle pressure. Today I woke up, took a look at my…

The words behind the words

Love is many things. But for me it’s my mother singing Love Me Do by The Beatles before going to bed. Love is my mother drinking de-caffeinated coffee on her “Mother of All Things” mug on a Sunday morning while solving puzzles next to my sister. Love is my sister eating a plate of pasta…

Together

“I’ll stay, I guess.” My best friend smiled at me and his eyes sparkled with something warm that made me think of marshmallows on stoves and iced tea on rural Pennsylvania roads. “I’ll stay with you.” I smiled back at him and thought to myself that I was, indeed, a very blessed, lucky person, wasn’t…

Needy, greedy boy

“What are you doing?” For once, it was me asking the questions and my best friend looking like a deer in the headlights. He smiled at me and shrugged as if to say ‘I don’t even know myself’ and tugged on the piece of yarn that he had managed to tangle around his hands. “Is…

Unforgettable

“We’re bloody married.” In retrospect it was good that I had been brushing my teeth when I came to that conclusion and that my words came out slurred with foam and sounded like this: “Mhhm boommy mawwied.” I know for a fact that I would have been very embarrassed to explain to my best friend…

A string of thought uncoils before midnight

There’s a right type of fuel to feed to a fire. That’s the thought that occurred to me while I was skimming through some fading copies of an old poetry book. I had them made approximately two years ago, when I had been extremely confused about life and still picking up pieces of myself from…

Only human

“Don’t cry because he told you,” The blond man smiled at me and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. “That his love has slipped away. Because I once knew a boy, who watched the sun rise every day, one morning I sat with him, wrapped entirely in my awe, but he said he’d…